Catching up...

So I'm that high school buddy that disappears for months, if not years, on end only to pop up from time to time to catch up on all the adventures I've been on and then disappear into the shadows once again...

To justify (or at least explain) my absence, I do tend to lead a "trial by fire" life, whether it's by my own actions/choices (good & bad), or simple circumstance. Though always interesting on some level, I'll openly admit I sometimes feel the need that some aspects of my life have more censorship than others.

When it comes to the idea of blogging, I worry not so much about sharing my life with others, perhaps some of what I've gone through/experienced will help others to make better choices, but rather I worry about how some of my opinions, rants, etc. might be viewed in a public forum. It's one thing to yell at some idiot driver while in the privacy of your car, it's another thing entirely to turn to your keyboard and repeat the rant and then add commentary on just how messed up Washington drivers can be. Ultimately, as I'm already viewed as a hothead, I'm finding less restraint in sharing my opinions, so maybe I'll be more diligent when it comes to blogging.

With regard to this last year, I've experienced the loss of someone I loved dearly (I still find I can't dwell on the memory of him too long, else I become undone), I involved myself in many mind and emotionally numbing activities, I got involved with the Devil (his name is irrelevant, though through his actions, behaviors, and the affects & influence he had on people, "Devil" is an appropriate title based on his character), I've experienced betrayal of another loved one, and I have clawed tooth and nail to pull myself out of Hell. The light in all that is the fact I have been successful and am on a path to being the ultimate person I am capable of being.

Introspective...

It's been an interesting week, month, and year to be sure.  This weekend, I find myself very introspective and reflecting upon events over the year...

I have recently written a blog, which I have chosen not to publish, expressing my feelings of "Ghost Pains" (such as those experienced by amputees and paralysis victims) as a metaphorical comparison to what it feels like when a relationship ends and the feelings it encompasses, especially when you are reminded of the past by events in the present.

Needless to say, I've been thinking about my own relationship, which I ended last year, but allowed it to linger till this past August. 

Can't say I would ever be ready to share my thoughts on that, but wanted to share some lyrics which recently had a real impact on me. 

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"The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley, as sung by India.Arie

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore...

"Friends": What constitutes a friend?

This blog was originally written for my MySpace.com blog; however, with so many sites (MySpace, Windows Live Spaces, Friendster, Connexion, etc.) promoting "Add and display your friends", I figured re-posting this blog here would be appropriate...

(Original blog below...)

I'm all for making friends, I feel it's a basic human need.  I think an article I read on a children's psychology web site sums it up best.  Quoting a short excerpt from that site (http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/needfriends.html):

Human beings are social beings. Responsiveness is built in; we come into the world programmed to respond and relate to others. [...] The friendships children have with each other are different than those they have with parents and relatives. Family relationships provide an ease, a closeness, a deep sense of intimacy. But they don't substitute for other relationships. Starting young and continuing through adulthood, friendships are among the most important activities of life.

However, that being said, what is a friend?  Dictionary.com's definition is:

Friend:
 - A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
 - A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
 - A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

I think MySpace.com's ability to connect people across the world is awesome and it allows people of differing views, cultures, and life experiences an opportunity to come together, expand their own views, etc; however, I don't understand the need to add everyone under the sun as a friend when you DON'T know or HAVEN'T talked to them. 

I assume it's validation or compensating for insecurities, but really, I think it actually exposes the insecurity FAR more when a person adds so many people.  I recently saw a bulletin posted by one of my friends advertising a site which immediately adds 500 friends.  Why would someone want to do that?  Even if the people added share similar interests (I'm not sure how it works, I didn't bother checking it out), what benefit does a person get by adding them as friends?  The argument can be made that the person is trying to "make" friends, but why not add them to your Favorites list, make it a point to talk to them and then as a friendship DEVELOPS then add them as a friend. 

I didn't want to be accused of hypocrisy, so I went through my friend list and really evaluated it.  I can count 2, maybe 3 people on the list (whom I added when I first joined MySpace) who I don't know, but have had several exchanges with.  Aside from those people, everyone on my list could be asked to tell something about me and would have something valid to say, whether it be the last girl I ever kissed (love ya Laura ), the guys who knew me in high school (and all my football antics.  Hey Meranda), guys I've dated (no chance I'll name names there), one of my best friend's kid, or just people I have talked with extensively on here and developed an online friendship (and hopefully offline at some point soon, Tavita, as soon as I have wheels again, we'll hang.  I want to see a volleyball game). 

The point is: those are friends, those are people who "know (me), like (me) (most of the time anyway), (I) trust".  So all that being said (Almost off my soap box), don't get offended if I don't add you as a friend, or delete your friend request (which was sent without introducing yourself or ever saying a word to me), just realize, I hold "friends" at a certain level of esteem. 

I love making friends, so send me a mail, ask me questions, tell me about yourself, I can be a good listener, and let it go from there... You may find that we have tons in common and enjoy chatting, and therefore want to add me as a friend, or you may find I'm a good guy, but just not your speed, and not really want to be associated with me even (anything is possible). 

Really there's not much more awkward than adding someone to your friend list, finding out you wish you hadn't, deleting them, then dealing with fallout as to why you deleted them (I haven't had to do that yet, but I know people who have and, really, it's tacky...)

So my advice to all: Make friends with someone before you pronounce to the world that you are friends. 

Introductions...

Greetings one and all, welcome to my blog!

In trying to keep up with "techie fads", this is my attempt at sharing my thoughts, experiences, and feelings with the world (or at least those who care to listen :~) ).

Feel free to also check out my Windows Live Spaces ® site at http://michaelbruner.spaces.live.com or my MySpace.com ® site at http://www.myspace.com/michaelbruner to learn more about me.

This blog is my public RSS feed, where I'll keep my thoughts P.C. enough to share with the world, or perhaps just thought provoking (if I'm lucky enough  to stumble upon something interesting).

Anyway, welcome and feel free to comment and/or leave feedback, I hope you find something of interest as I continue to blog.

- Michael B.