This blog was originally written for my MySpace.com blog; however, with so many sites (MySpace, Windows Live Spaces, Friendster, Connexion, etc.) promoting "Add and display your friends", I figured re-posting this blog here would be appropriate...
(Original blog below...)
I'm all for making friends, I feel it's a basic human need. I think an article I read on a children's psychology web site sums it up best. Quoting a short excerpt from that site (http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/needfriends.html):
Human beings are social beings. Responsiveness is built in; we come into the world programmed to respond and relate to others. [...] The friendships children have with each other are different than those they have with parents and relatives. Family relationships provide an ease, a closeness, a deep sense of intimacy. But they don't substitute for other relationships. Starting young and continuing through adulthood, friendships are among the most important activities of life.
However, that being said, what is a friend? Dictionary.com's definition is:
Friend:
- A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
- A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
- A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
I think MySpace.com's ability to connect people across the world is awesome and it allows people of differing views, cultures, and life experiences an opportunity to come together, expand their own views, etc; however, I don't understand the need to add everyone under the sun as a friend when you DON'T know or HAVEN'T talked to them.
I assume it's validation or compensating for insecurities, but really, I think it actually exposes the insecurity FAR more when a person adds so many people. I recently saw a bulletin posted by one of my friends advertising a site which immediately adds 500 friends. Why would someone want to do that? Even if the people added share similar interests (I'm not sure how it works, I didn't bother checking it out), what benefit does a person get by adding them as friends? The argument can be made that the person is trying to "make" friends, but why not add them to your Favorites list, make it a point to talk to them and then as a friendship DEVELOPS then add them as a friend.
I didn't want to be accused of hypocrisy, so I went through my friend list and really evaluated it. I can count 2, maybe 3 people on the list (whom I added when I first joined MySpace) who I don't know, but have had several exchanges with. Aside from those people, everyone on my list could be asked to tell something about me and would have something valid to say, whether it be the last girl I ever kissed (love ya Laura 
), the guys who knew me in high school (and all my football antics. Hey Meranda), guys I've dated (no chance I'll name names there), one of my best friend's kid, or just people I have talked with extensively on here and developed an online friendship (and hopefully offline at some point soon, Tavita, as soon as I have wheels again, we'll hang. I want to see a volleyball game).
The point is: those are friends, those are people who "know (me), like (me) (most of the time anyway), (I) trust". So all that being said (Almost off my soap box), don't get offended if I don't add you as a friend, or delete your friend request (which was sent without introducing yourself or ever saying a word to me), just realize, I hold "friends" at a certain level of esteem.
I love making friends, so send me a mail, ask me questions, tell me about yourself, I can be a good listener, and let it go from there... You may find that we have tons in common and enjoy chatting, and therefore want to add me as a friend, or you may find I'm a good guy, but just not your speed, and not really want to be associated with me even (anything is possible).
Really there's not much more awkward than adding someone to your friend list, finding out you wish you hadn't, deleting them, then dealing with fallout as to why you deleted them (I haven't had to do that yet, but I know people who have and, really, it's tacky...)
So my advice to all: Make friends with someone before you pronounce to the world that you are friends.
